Remember a million years ago, back in 2008, when Lindsay Lohan was accused of stealing someone’s fur coat from the downtown Manhattan club 1Oak? If you don’t remember that, I want to know how much the rent was under that rock, because it sounds like a nice place to have lived. But yes, there was a whole drama involving Lindsay Lohan, a fur coat, and the nightclub 1Oak. I don’t think it was ever satisfactorily resolved—Lindsay was sued by the coat’s owner and then who knows what happened after that—but it’s sort of a moot point now anyway. Because Lohan has now had another incident involving a fur coat at 1Oak, a club she is technically banned from. What happened was this: Wednesday night. New York City is full of NFL players as they prepare for Sunday’s Super Bowl bloodmatch. Lohan, smelling wealth and fame like a bloodhound smells murder clues, traveled to the source of the scent and found herself at 1Oak. She was, allegedly, wearing some sort of two-piece fur coat that involved a coat part and a shawl that went with it. A leather coat was involved too somehow. But when she left, she only had the shawl part, her dad Michael claimed in a voicemail he left on the club’s answering machine the next morning.
So where did the other part go? Lohan supposedly called everyone she was with that night to see if they knew, save one Seahawks player, whom she was unable to contact. So she is blaming him for the missing part of the fur coat. But a source tells Page Six that there was no second part to the fur coat and that security footage confirms that. The source says that Lohan was only wearing the leather coat and the shawl, which a friend accidently caught on fire at one point while leaning over the table and dangling it in a candle. What this source is essentially saying, then, is, liar liar, fur shawl on fire. So what the hell happened here? Was Lindsay wearing a two-piece fur coat? Did one piece go missing? Did a Seattle Seahawk steal it, or being that he’s a seahawk did he maybe eat it, thinking it was some sort of prey? We may never know the answer to these questions.
What we do know is simple: Lindsay Lohan should stop involving herself with fur coats in every way. I know she is from Long Island so it is basically in her DNA to associate herself with fur coats, but she should resist her basest instincts whenever possible. It’s really for the benefit of her and everyone around her. And all of us. Everyone on planet Earth would be better off if Lindsay Lohan stayed as far away from anything having to do with fur coats as possible. The second thing we know is that Lohan is definitely banned from 1Oak now. Like, that is a place she seriously cannot go again. No more. She’s had a good run, but it’s over. Well, no, actually, she’s had a terrible run. Being accused of coat theft and throwing things at people and now whatever this latest fiasco turns out to be. Lindsay Lohan has never had a successful night at 1Oak! So why would she even want to go there anymore? The romance is over, OK? It was a bad relationship and now it needs to end. No more 1Oak. No more fur coats. Go to The Griffin in a rain slicker. Stop by TAO in a poncho. Hell, go to Marquee for old time’s sake, wearing a tattered trenchcoat. It doesn’t matter! As long as it’s not fur and it’s not 1Oak, it should be fine.
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